It's the Plumber

A woman owned a parrot that could say only one thing - "Who is it? For years and years she had been trying to teach it to extend its vocabulary, but it resolutely refused to utter anything other than "who is it?"

One day she had sent for the plmber, and as had to go out shopping she arranged for him to find the key under the mat outside the front door. The plumber duly, arrived, found the key, let himself in and set to work. Naturally the parrot, hearing someone in the house with an unfamiliar tread, decided to give a recital. "Who is it?" called the parrot. "The Plumber!" called replied the workman. Hearing a strange voice the parrot again decided to utter his one and only phrase "who is it?"

The parrot was not satisfied - he wanted to see who the stranger was. "who is it?" he called again, and again the plumber yelled out "It's the plumber!?" and again and again the poor bewindered plumber responded - It's the plumber! It's the plumber! IT'S THE PLUMBER!" Eventually in a fury he roamed the house, going from room to room trying to find out who was calling him - but he failed to realize that it was the parrot. For a whole hour this went on, with him dashing around the house, growing increasingly desperate, and shouting out, "Its the plumber!" until eventually the wretched man fainted in the hall.

Just at that moment the mistress of the house entered, saw the unconscious figure on the carpet and said, "Who is it?

The parrot replied, "It's the plumber!"

Punishment

This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.

So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks. The guy says "No, please show me the next room".

Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again.

Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of tea and eating cakes.

So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. tea-break is over. Back on your heads!"

What did you say?

To prove the theory that music charms to soothe the savage beast, a noted violinist journeyed into the heart of the African jungle. As he went there, a huge gorilla, a hungry lion, and a mean bull elephant approached, sniffed the air, and then stood motionless, listening to the lovely selctions the violinist played. Suddenly a snarling panther crashed onto the scene. With one leap he reached the violinist and tore him to shreds.

The lion roared, "You've got some nerve. For the first time in our lives we've heard beutiful music. We'll never have a chance to hear such glorious music again. Why did you do that?"

The panther looked at the lion, cupped his paw to his ear and said, "What did you say?"

Why do we have......?

A camel decided to educate his son who he suspected was getting a little inquisitive.

"Why do we have two humps?" asked the son. "That's so that we can go for days and weeks without water. We can store it in the humps."

"Why do we have very long eye lashes?" "That," he was told, "is to protect the eyes from the sand in a sand storm."

"And why do we have bulb like feet?" "That is so that we can travel twice as fast through the desert."

"Dad," asked the young camel, "What the hell are we doing in this zoo?"